Wednesday 28 May 2008

Two Loves

I always thought this was crap, something guys say to justify being dirty, cheating kids born to parents who aren't married. But looking back on my own experience, it could be true: the concept of being in love with more than one person at the same time.

It's apparently a trait of either Geminis or Aquariuses. However, I am a Scorpio, which supposedly means I'm a power-hungry sex addict and a fiercely loyal friend. Um yeah, I've been celibate for six years. I do dig power, but not as much as I used to. As for loyalty, I would gladly take a bullet for any one of my friends. You'd think that loyalty would translate into romantic relationships...

My loyalty in that department has never been tested because I've never had a relationship last longer than 5 weeks or so. Basically I just haven't met the right dude. It doesn't take very long to figure out if it's going to work or if I can tolerate that person at all, so I just nip it in the bud and move on. That way, no one wastes any more time than necessary. Time is the most precious thing we have and the most horrible thing to waste, in my opinion.

But I have to wonder - if I were in a committed relationship, would I be a cheater? Gosh I hope not, and I could certainly control my actions, but controlling my thoughts and roaming eyes is another thing entirely. Ugh, I'm such a guy. A total pig, actually.

I've been told that if you're truly in love with someone, attraction to another person isn't possible, that it doesn't even occur to you. Hmmm. This time last year, I thought I was madly in love with this kid (I think I was really just madly in love with the idea of him), but was still able to get the vomiting-butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling about someone else on whom I'd had a 3-4 year crush. I felt really strongly about both of them. I'd go around just torn up over one of them, and then see the other and melt like butter in the microwave.

I think I could be faithful though. If I like someone enough to overcome my overwhelming fear of commitment and can live with being associated with them (as opposed to being defined by them), it's possible. That just hasn't happened yet. "You just need to find the right person." I guess that's more comforting than, "When you stop looking you'll find someone." Listen here, old lady (because that's who ALWAYS regurgitates that stupid staying every single time) I've been actively not looking for quite some time now, and nary a decent suitor has come along.

Maybe I just like the idea of variety. If only I were from a polygamist, matriarchal African tribe where it's perfectly acceptable to have multiple husbands! I do see why God's plan involves monogamy (sigh), but it just seems so stinking boring! Am I a (gasp!) slut? Eh, I think my celibacy disqualifies me from that label. My opinion would probably be more acceptable from a man, but whatever. By the grace of God, I am what I am. Maybe He stitched me together to have the ability to "love" more than one man at the same time, and there's nothing wrong with it.

There's an old song from the 60's, sung by Mary Wells, called "Two Lovers":
"Well, I've got two lovers and I ain't ashamed/Two lovers, and I love them both the same" - it's pretty catchy!

I wrote a song last year, called "Split My Time", about being in love with two bluegrass musicians who live in different states:
"There is a banjo player in North Carolin', and a fiddle player down in Alabam'/I love them both in ways my heart just can't define/So I split my time between Raleigh and Birmingham". I thought it'd be SO COOL for them to have a play off for my heart, and go back and forth trying to out-do each other on their respective instruments. Uggghhhh. It's every Southern musician girl's fantasy!

So maybe it's not so wrong. Within the confines (and by that I mean confining - okay okay I'm immature and inexperienced) of marriage, it's one man and one woman (or whatever) who are faithful to each other no matter what and if I ever take the plunge I will absolutely, whole-heartedly honor that. But dang man! I'm still in my salad days and love being single so my eyes will be a'roamin'. I try to keep my hands to myself but sometimes that doesn't work out, but whatever. BUT! I am confident that if I settle down here any time soon, I am fully capable of being faithful and true and giving that person 100% of my attention. Yes, really. Anything is possible.