I always cry at the end when Colin Firth proposes to the Portuguese girl in the restaurant. The light is beautiful and the gravity of what he's clumsily yet endearingly saying to her has everyone in the place spellbound. Just to be close to that, just to be in the same room as something like that, that's good enough for me. I just want to be one of the people in the restaurant who happen to be there when he walks in and makes his speech to her. Love is all around me, in all its forms, and it's okay if someone else doesn't need me the way I think I need them, at the same time, in the same place. It's okay.
I love Love, and it's okay if it doesn't love me back the way I think I want it to. I love Love just the way it is, even though it's tired of me mishandling it every time it comes around, and even though Love has been cruel to me at times, too. Love is pretty much done with me, but is willing to just be friends. We crossed the line too many times and it just didn't work out. It's all water under the bridge now though, and we're cool. It really isn't too weird. I'll always care about Love, but it belongs with someone else.
Love and me, we weren't meant to be.
Saturday 27 December 2008
Monday 15 December 2008
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
I didn't make a resolution for 2008. It was crap, I said, why is this day any more important than any other day, I asked? Why couldn't you state some unrealistic goal you'd stick to for maybe three weeks on March 29st, for instance?
And what of these traditions we have of staying up late, getting wasted, and thinking we need a kiss at midnight for good luck? Lame! The only one I can get in to is eating black eyed peas on New Year's Day and watching lots and lots of football.
December 31st came, I watched a little football, and was in bed asleep by 10:30. Just like any other day. So far as I can tell, 2008 wasn't better or worse than any other time, it just was a discrete period of time neatly divided into twelve smaller units we can hang on a wall. Just like any other year.
Now before I say 'bah humbug" and poopoo on what our society considers "normal", I will admit that I have a resolution for 2009 based on lessons learned from 2008. I am banning romantic love from my life, which shouldn't be too hard. I'll just take the commitment phobia I already have and kick it up a notch, turn it into a point of focus. This will eliminate my tendency to objectify men and make room for more important concerns. THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN LOVE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND A MAN and I'm sick of getting caught up in our society's tradition of pressuring people into thinking we aren't ccomplete human beings without a mate.
I already zone out when I hear "when you find the right person", "It'll happen when you aren't looking". LISTEN LADIES, there ain't no right person to deal with me, and I have been actively not looking for years, avoiding any such unrealistic expectations. The times I have stumbled into some romantic entanglement, nothing but chaos results. I have the capacity to feel more deeply than most people, well outside three standard deviations on either side of the bell curve. I have loved that deeply and made that love known and it drove someone to the point of insanity. As intensely as it burned at the time, it streaked across the summer sky like a giant meteor everyone could see for miles, and then burned up in the atmosphere and vanished. I think I know myself well enough by now to know that avoiding romantic situations is the most considerate thing I can do, knowing that just as I can feel love to its ultimate heights, I can also feel anger.
Don't argue with me. I know me better than you and have seen firsthand the destructive power of feeling the depth of emotion I can feel. This is every bit me doing a favor for the world as planting a tree on Arbor Day and every bit as good for me as losing 30 pounds. I'm sure I'll still have crushes or pleasant moments with a young man, but I refuse to cross the line ever again. I felt it, it was great, i'm done. Happy New Year.
Insanity is defined by the majority, by the way, one big stupid mob.
And what of these traditions we have of staying up late, getting wasted, and thinking we need a kiss at midnight for good luck? Lame! The only one I can get in to is eating black eyed peas on New Year's Day and watching lots and lots of football.
December 31st came, I watched a little football, and was in bed asleep by 10:30. Just like any other day. So far as I can tell, 2008 wasn't better or worse than any other time, it just was a discrete period of time neatly divided into twelve smaller units we can hang on a wall. Just like any other year.
Now before I say 'bah humbug" and poopoo on what our society considers "normal", I will admit that I have a resolution for 2009 based on lessons learned from 2008. I am banning romantic love from my life, which shouldn't be too hard. I'll just take the commitment phobia I already have and kick it up a notch, turn it into a point of focus. This will eliminate my tendency to objectify men and make room for more important concerns. THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN LOVE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND A MAN and I'm sick of getting caught up in our society's tradition of pressuring people into thinking we aren't ccomplete human beings without a mate.
I already zone out when I hear "when you find the right person", "It'll happen when you aren't looking". LISTEN LADIES, there ain't no right person to deal with me, and I have been actively not looking for years, avoiding any such unrealistic expectations. The times I have stumbled into some romantic entanglement, nothing but chaos results. I have the capacity to feel more deeply than most people, well outside three standard deviations on either side of the bell curve. I have loved that deeply and made that love known and it drove someone to the point of insanity. As intensely as it burned at the time, it streaked across the summer sky like a giant meteor everyone could see for miles, and then burned up in the atmosphere and vanished. I think I know myself well enough by now to know that avoiding romantic situations is the most considerate thing I can do, knowing that just as I can feel love to its ultimate heights, I can also feel anger.
Don't argue with me. I know me better than you and have seen firsthand the destructive power of feeling the depth of emotion I can feel. This is every bit me doing a favor for the world as planting a tree on Arbor Day and every bit as good for me as losing 30 pounds. I'm sure I'll still have crushes or pleasant moments with a young man, but I refuse to cross the line ever again. I felt it, it was great, i'm done. Happy New Year.
Insanity is defined by the majority, by the way, one big stupid mob.
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