Wednesday 28 October 2009

IF

It occurred to me the other day that "What if?" is one of the most useless questions ever. But I thought about it a little bit longer and figured it had to be valid since it's so cliche. Maybe it could help one prevent repeating past errors, if it doesn't lure one into living in the past.

So I did a little research, and turned a corner when I found this. "IF" all by itself is a pretty big word, and this poem reminds me of all the important things I need to remember when I'm brought down by "the emotionless mediocrity of day-to-day living". (from 'Living Life' by Daniel Johnston).

IF
If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

by Rudyard Kipling

Sunday 18 October 2009

healthy, happy truth

What I seek is unattainable and defeating;
My heart will be blank when it stops beating.

It isn't exactly blank, but it isn't broken either.
I've never seen true love, but I am a believer.
If that's the way I am, that's the way I'll be.
I surrender to the war that's been raging in me.

I will never be perfect.

No feeling is right or wrong, and I can't choose how I feel. It's what I decide to do about the feeling that is important. There are no right or wrong choices; what matters is that I am the one making the choice. If the result of that choice is undesirable, I will choose a different path the next time around. But God help me own my choices, and may those choices be made consciously.

Amen.

Wednesday 14 October 2009

sick sad truth

all my stories end the same
I'm alone and I'm ashamed
Someone else is hurt and I'm to blame
If I was so in love with what's-his-name
Why'd I play my same old game?
But I don't know what I can do to change

I set myself up to fall
they're all a waste of time
I feel bored without the drama
of 2 or 3 on my mind
All confusion, no conclusions
from the choices that I make
My heart won't ever heal when I'm the one
who loves to see it break

Monday 5 October 2009

BLANK-HEARTED

So I've been working on this song since September 6th. I was dog-sitting for Kerri and Lori and just started jamming in drop-D and came up with this driving head-bobbing rock stuff. Then later I was mowing their backyard and I started belting out the melody with these words.

It's an aspiration, because I'm not sure if it's entirely possible. The last I recall going a significant period of time without any sort of crush was 3rd grade. Apparently my emotional hands hate being empty, because I've always seemed to need someone to hold on to.

It'll be difficult getting it just right, describing what I really mean, because I have a hard time wrapping my own mind around the concept, but this is what I have so far:


BLANK-HEARTED
is better than broken-hearted to me
To be blank-hearted is to be free

Oh I have loved and lost, so I know it's worth the cost
But I need a break from love for a while
Don't think I'm making this up,
It's not that I'm giving up,
But I don't need romance to make me smile.

BLANK-HEARTED
is better than broken-hearted any day
If I were blank-hearted, I wouldn't give my power away

Wanna break the fixation, I'm done with the frustration,
I'm not losing sleep at night on the phone
I have willful determination for non-affiliation
And an inner glow from being on my own

My sought-after rarity is emotional clarity
A clean slate, a heart without scars
Won't settle for familiarity
Or a life spent writing forlorn memoirs

Just be free
Just be me
A fresh start
With my blank heart


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c2009 Haylee Slaughter Music