In a Word, What Happened?

Uh, was it "romance"?
Would I recognize it if it fell out of the sky and brushed my hair away from my face? Is it when the water rushes over your feet as you balance against each other while sinking in wet sand? Is it "romantic" when he unexpectedly takes your hand at precisely the correct moment? Would I know if it pushed me over when I wasn't looking? What do you call it when you lock eyes across the room and smile? When it's no big deal? Not some earth-shattering, cosmic event, but what was it exactly? Is it "romantic" to try to live one day as a complete life together (i.e. For Whom the Bell Tolls) with a clean-cut end and beginning? I don't know what it was. It was neat, I know that much. What's the word when you both have the same thing in mind? (SportsCenter!) Is it "romantic" to recognize that you like someone when he's kissing you? And maybe genuine when you haven't decided to try not to care in the face of uncertainty? Uh...do I care? Uh huh. What is "romance" anyway? How does it happen between two innocent people? Does recognition of it spawn the feeling of fondness, or does the fondness spawn romance's recognition? Is it the big picture or all the little things? Is the "romance" magnified by the fleeting nature of each passing moment? What makes it possible? Do you recognize it when you're in it, or does that break the spell? Is "romance" a concept that cannot be processed until after the moment has passed? Is it simply being overwhelmed by an experience with another like-minded individual? Can it only occur between two people who feel exactly the same amount for each other? What the heck is it anyway? Can it be intellectualized the way I'm trying to do right now, or is "romance" only an intangible, irrational feeling - only maybe tangible in the way one tugs at a shirt or hair or pulls you toward him or touches your face? I don't know. What happened? Can it only happen in the absence of fear? Maybe I'm past thinking I'm immune, past the fear, so it could be entirely possible it happened to me. If Webster defines it as derivatives of a dead language or my favorite period of piano music, I understand those, can wrap my mind around them. But what is this essence of feeling/experience - was it one moment or a series of moments? Is it romantic to say exactly what you think or feel at that precise moment to the object of your focus? Is "romantic" what you call it?


romance

c.1300, "story of a hero's adventures," also (c.1330), "vernacular language of France" (as opposed to Latin), from O.Fr. romanz "verse narrative," originally an adverb, "in the vernacular language," from V.L. *romanice scribere "to write in a Romance language" (one developed from Latin instead of Frankish), from L. Romanicus "of or in the Roman style," from Romanus "Roman" (see Roman). The connecting notion is that medieval vernacular tales were usually about chivalric adventure. Literary sense extended by 1667 to "a love story." Extended 1612 to other modern languages derived from Latin (Spanish, Italian, etc.). Meaning "adventurous quality" first recorded 1801; that of "love affair, idealistic quality" is from 1916. The verb meaning "court as a lover" is from 1942.

ro·mance1 /n., adj. roʊˈmæns, ˈroʊmæns; v. roʊˈmæns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[n., adj. roh-mans, roh-mans; v. roh-mans] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -manced, -manc·ing, adjective
–noun 1. a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.
2. the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.
3. a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.
4. a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
5. a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.
6. romantic character or quality.
7. a romantic affair or experience; a love affair.
8. (initial capital letter) Also, Romanic. Also called Romance languages. the group of Italic Indo-European languages descended since a.d. 800 from Latin, as French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Provençal, Catalan, Rhaeto-Romanic, Sardinian, and Ladino. Abbreviation: Rom.
–verb (used without object) 9. to invent or relate romances; indulge in fanciful or extravagant stories or daydreams.
10. to think or talk romantically.
–verb (used with object) 11. Informal. a. to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness: He's currently romancing a very attractive widow.
b. to court the favor of or make overtures to; play up to: They need to romance the local business community if they expect to do business here.

romance2 [rəˈmans] noun

a story about such a relationship etc, especially one in which the people, events etc are more exciting etc than in normal life; Music A lyrical, tender, usually sentimental song or short instrumental piece; A love affair. 1. Music. a short, simple melody, vocal or instrumental, of tender character.
2. Spanish Literature. a short epic poem, esp. a historical ballad.

Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people;
A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.

an exciting and mysterious quality (noun); talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions (verb)

The term romance has also been used for stories of mysterious adventures, not necessarily of heroes. Like the heroic kind of romance, however, these adventure romances usually are set in distant places. William Shakespeare's play The Tempest is this kind of romance.

Thesaurus
Definition: love affair
Synonyms: affair, amour, attachment, carrying on, courtship, enchantment, fairy tale, fascination, fling, flirtation, goings-on, hanky-panky, intrigue, liaison, love, love story, passion, playing around, relationship, thing together
Definition: love book
Synonyms: ballad, fairy tale, fantasy, fiction, idealization, idyll, legend, love story, lyric, melodrama, novel, story, tale, tear-jerker*
Definition: adventure
Synonyms: charm, color, excitement, exoticness, fairy tale, fancy, fantasy, fascination, glamour, hazard, idealization, idyll, mystery, nostalgia, risk, sentiment, venture
Definition: relationship
Synonyms: affaire, amour, carrying on*, extracurricular activity*, fling, goings-on*, hanky-panky*, intimacy, intrigue, liaison, love, matinee, nooner, playing around*, relationship, rendezvous, romance, thing together*, two-timing*
Definition: teasing
Synonyms: amour, coquetry, courting, cruising, dalliance, flirting, intrique, love, love affair, philandering, pickup*, romance, romancing, tease, teasing, toying*, trifling*
Synonyms: allure, allurement, animal magnetism, appeal, attraction, bewitchment, charisma, charm, color, enchantment, fascination, interest, magnetism, prestige, ravishment, razzle-dazzle*, romance, star quality, style, witchery
Definition: monkey business
Synonyms: amour, dalliance, dirty pool, fling, flirtation, fooling around, funny business*, hankie-pankie, hokey-pokey, liaison, love affair, mischief, romance, sexual activity, trickery
Definition: affair
Synonyms: amour, attachment, case, flirtation, infatuation, interlude, intimacy, liaison, romance

I still don't get it.

I'm starting to understand that the further I get away from it, the more removed I am from it, the more I attempt to cling to threads of shreds of memories of it, the more it sucks. I wish I could see him again.


From For Whom The Bell Tolls:

"But in the meantime all the life you have or ever will have is today, tonight, tomorrow, today, tonight, tomorrow over and over again (I hope), he thought and so you had better take what time there is and be very thankful for it..."

"...wanted to make the point that you must make your whole life in two nights that are given to you; that living as we do now you must concentrate all of that which you should always have into the short time that you have it."

"Dying was nothing and he had no picture of it nor fear of it in his mind. But living was a field of grain blowing in the wind on the side of a hill. Living was a hawk in the sky. Living was an earthen jar of water in the dust of the threshing with the grain flailed out and the chaff blowing. Living was a horse between your legs and a carbine under one leg and a hill and a valley and a stream with trees along it and the far side of the valley and the hills beyond."

"If this was how it was then this was how it was. But there was no law that made him say he liked it. I did not know that I could ever feel what I have felt, he thought. Nor that this could happen to me. I would like to have it my whole life. You will, the other part of him said. You will. You have it now and that is all your life is; now. There is nothing else than now. There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow. How old must you be before you know that? There is only now, and if now is only two days, then two days is your life and everything in it will be in proportion. This is how you live a life in two days. And if you stop complaining and asking for what you will never get, you will have a good life. A good life is not measured by any Biblical span."