To Be Content...

Is that what it's all about? To be content, no matter your circumstances, is what it means to really be okay with yourself, inside and out. To not mind or have to matter or take it personally or complain but just be thankful for the hand the good Lord dealt ya. We are commanded to be content but it sure slips right by me most of the time. Something I must work on, day to day, hour to hour, second to second. One day at a time. "To be content...". There it is.
An old friend I worked with at Saks couldn't help but mantra-ize on the phrase, "To Be Obedient". This was during one of our reflecting sessions in the food court at the mall as we couldn't help but distinguish ourselves from the co-workers and customers whose lives resolved around acquiring that next piece of Gucci. Our faith in God pulled us through those feelings of poverty and oppression while we were surrounded by frivolous consumption and luxury obsession. We wanted to prove our faith to God through our obedience to Him by not worshiping at the golden alter of the new fall line. "To be obedient..." There it is.
Am now realizing a new found contentment with my current state of mind vs the last one, one that seemed so preferable, but viewing it now as the prism breaks the light, I can see its folly and delusion. Everyone (even the liars, haha) considers themselves an honest person. I wouldn't lie or cheat or steal from anyone, so I must be honest. But boy can I betray my own self. Empty prayers and broken promises are sent up for me and made by me evvvvery day. It needs to stop. The only person it's hurting more than myself is God, because He's the only one who truly understands how badly I'm mistreating myself. Maybe it's ironic that I've always been competitive, because now it seems like I'm out to secure defeat of myself. If it's not one thing, it's another - this is how it goes. Shall I dare call it by its true name? There it is.