It's April, so that means baseball season has begun! I had the greatest of Sunday afternoons yesterday, because it involved a nap on my couch with baseball going on the TV. Aaahhhhhhh. :)
Baseball is unlike any other sport because...
It's not a bench, it's a dugout
He's not the coach, he's the manager (or skipper)
It's not overtime, it's extra innings
It's not out-of-bounds, it's foul territory
He's not a referee, he's an umpire
Failure is an accepted part of the game - no other sport would consider 30% successful!
Every pitch holds the possibility that something could happen that no one has ever seen before.
Pitching well is way cooler than hitting well.
Greg Maddux is my favorite player - I'm soooo going to Cooperstown for his Hall of Fame induction ceremony. I miss his glasses.
BASEBALL IS NOT BORING! If you think so, you just don't get it.
Monday, 7 April 2008
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Aaahhhhhh....
I'd forgotten how good it felt to write a song. Welll, it's only 75% done. It needs one more verse, but MAN, to get the chorus just right, the guitar hook, a clever verse with a nifty rhyme scheme - MAN! :) It doesn't get much better than that. I was sitting around after work Friday night and wrote two verses and a chorus about the moment you realize whatever it is you realize. I use a 7th chord to express irony. HA! Music is so cooll.
There've been songs that took me years to finish. Some came out complete in minutes - a pure gift. The best is when you've been struggling to make sense of something, you can't even explain it to yourself, and then it happens. You get it all right in a verse or two and tie it alll together. aaahhhhhhhh.
God is good to me. I like this talent. It's when I get out of His way and get out of my own way and let things happen that He really works through me, and that's a neat feeling.
There've been songs that took me years to finish. Some came out complete in minutes - a pure gift. The best is when you've been struggling to make sense of something, you can't even explain it to yourself, and then it happens. You get it all right in a verse or two and tie it alll together. aaahhhhhhhh.
God is good to me. I like this talent. It's when I get out of His way and get out of my own way and let things happen that He really works through me, and that's a neat feeling.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
The Devil and Daniel Johnston
If you haven't seen it, go rent it yesterday.
My dad has been telling me about this movie he saw about an artist who came up in the late 70's, grew up in rural West Virginia attending the Church of Christ with his family and just couldn't help himself, he was such an artist. Drawing, songwriting, film-making, he was brilliant. He's a genius due not in part to his bipolar disorder. The movie documented his inability to finish college and how one night he joined the circus! and in 1985 ended up in Austin, Texas and got a job at McDonald's but became a legend on the scene by giving out tapes (CASSETTES) that he produced on his own little old-skool recorder. He got on MTV (back when it was actually cool and not a skin-a-thon network) A few years later Kurt Cobain started wearing a T-shirt he received as a gift that Johnston had drawn for someone else years prior, he wore it EVERYWHERE, and that created buzz about the guy all over again. From there the story just gets nuts and you can't believe it's all really someone's life. He'd go off his meds and just do crazy, damaging, self-defeating, stuff. Poor tortured soul, ranting about Satan and the number 9.
Anyway, bless his heart, I really wanna go see him live now. He still plays, though he's always been raw. Lots of neat indie bands have covered his stuff. Man, I wanna be some nutjob whose songs get covered by neat indie bands! :)
My dad has been telling me about this movie he saw about an artist who came up in the late 70's, grew up in rural West Virginia attending the Church of Christ with his family and just couldn't help himself, he was such an artist. Drawing, songwriting, film-making, he was brilliant. He's a genius due not in part to his bipolar disorder. The movie documented his inability to finish college and how one night he joined the circus! and in 1985 ended up in Austin, Texas and got a job at McDonald's but became a legend on the scene by giving out tapes (CASSETTES) that he produced on his own little old-skool recorder. He got on MTV (back when it was actually cool and not a skin-a-thon network) A few years later Kurt Cobain started wearing a T-shirt he received as a gift that Johnston had drawn for someone else years prior, he wore it EVERYWHERE, and that created buzz about the guy all over again. From there the story just gets nuts and you can't believe it's all really someone's life. He'd go off his meds and just do crazy, damaging, self-defeating, stuff. Poor tortured soul, ranting about Satan and the number 9.
Anyway, bless his heart, I really wanna go see him live now. He still plays, though he's always been raw. Lots of neat indie bands have covered his stuff. Man, I wanna be some nutjob whose songs get covered by neat indie bands! :)
Sunday, 30 September 2007
To Be Content...
Is that what it's all about? To be content, no matter your circumstances, is what it means to really be okay with yourself, inside and out. To not mind or have to matter or take it personally or complain but just be thankful for the hand the good Lord dealt ya. We are commanded to be content but it sure slips right by me most of the time. Something I must work on, day to day, hour to hour, second to second. One day at a time. "To be content...". There it is.
An old friend I worked with at Saks couldn't help but mantra-ize on the phrase, "To Be Obedient". This was during one of our reflecting sessions in the food court at the mall as we couldn't help but distinguish ourselves from the co-workers and customers whose lives resolved around acquiring that next piece of Gucci. Our faith in God pulled us through those feelings of poverty and oppression while we were surrounded by frivolous consumption and luxury obsession. We wanted to prove our faith to God through our obedience to Him by not worshiping at the golden alter of the new fall line. "To be obedient..." There it is.
Am now realizing a new found contentment with my current state of mind vs the last one, one that seemed so preferable, but viewing it now as the prism breaks the light, I can see its folly and delusion. Everyone (even the liars, haha) considers themselves an honest person. I wouldn't lie or cheat or steal from anyone, so I must be honest. But boy can I betray my own self. Empty prayers and broken promises are sent up for me and made by me evvvvery day. It needs to stop. The only person it's hurting more than myself is God, because He's the only one who truly understands how badly I'm mistreating myself. Maybe it's ironic that I've always been competitive, because now it seems like I'm out to secure defeat of myself. If it's not one thing, it's another - this is how it goes. Shall I dare call it by its true name? There it is.
An old friend I worked with at Saks couldn't help but mantra-ize on the phrase, "To Be Obedient". This was during one of our reflecting sessions in the food court at the mall as we couldn't help but distinguish ourselves from the co-workers and customers whose lives resolved around acquiring that next piece of Gucci. Our faith in God pulled us through those feelings of poverty and oppression while we were surrounded by frivolous consumption and luxury obsession. We wanted to prove our faith to God through our obedience to Him by not worshiping at the golden alter of the new fall line. "To be obedient..." There it is.
Am now realizing a new found contentment with my current state of mind vs the last one, one that seemed so preferable, but viewing it now as the prism breaks the light, I can see its folly and delusion. Everyone (even the liars, haha) considers themselves an honest person. I wouldn't lie or cheat or steal from anyone, so I must be honest. But boy can I betray my own self. Empty prayers and broken promises are sent up for me and made by me evvvvery day. It needs to stop. The only person it's hurting more than myself is God, because He's the only one who truly understands how badly I'm mistreating myself. Maybe it's ironic that I've always been competitive, because now it seems like I'm out to secure defeat of myself. If it's not one thing, it's another - this is how it goes. Shall I dare call it by its true name? There it is.
Saturday, 8 September 2007
Feelings
Feelings are powerful things. Completely irrational and overwhelming. The thing about feelings is that you can't just read about what it's like, you can't listen to a friend's description and get a good idea - you have to FEEL it yourself and only then will you understand. I remember the first time I kissed a boy I actually really liked - it felt completely different from the regular perfunctory kiss with someone I was lukewarm about. When I experience any sort of emotion, it's STRONG, all or nothing. When I'd finally let myself fall in love, and then of course got my heart ripped out, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me because it made me a more complete human being. It allowed me to identify much more with all those songs on the radio that seemed so pathetic before. Having a broken heart isn't pathetic at all - it just deepens the human experience. To me, if you've never been hurt, you haven't really lived. It's something everyone should experience. I lived too long trying to shelter myself from it, and it didn't get me anywhere.
Artists specialize in attempting to express these crazy emotion things through their various mediums, which sucks for them, cause the general population doesn't feel as deeply as they do so their work goes unappreciated. Music is probably the most accessible of all artistic mediums, because most folks need words to tell them what a feeling is about. Most (and I'm really not trying to sound condescending) don't wander in to a museum and look at sculptures or paintings and seek to identify with shapes and colors or whatevah. Songwriters, if they want to make money at it, have to generalize their lyrics so as many people as possible can relate. This felt like prostitution at first to me, but then it occurred to me that I'm just summing up in a verse what people are feeling but don't know how to express. My friend Allison said there's some song I've written (it's sad I can't even remember which one!) that expresses emotion that oozes out of her bones but would never be able to put into words. That made me feel good. I guess it depends for me, whether I'm writing the song for my own out-letting of emotional junk or if I'm just telling a story. When I wrote "Tear After Tear", I imagined a young, naive girl who'd had her heart broken by a dashing dirtbag and made it as melodramatic and sad as possible, because that's what a good country song is. I also imagined Dolly Parton's voice the whole time cause she's beyond fabulous.
Did any of this make sense? It was kind of all over the place. Art is pretty stinking cool. I was intimidated by other mediums before (like photography, painting, sculpture, ballet, etc), because like many people, I was sure I didn't get it, that my reaction would be wrong. But any artist will tell you that all they want is a reaction, no matter what kind. It may not be what they intended, but every piece of art is meant to be thought-provoking or emotionally charged. It means what you want it to. When the artist finishes a piece and puts it out there, it belongs to everyone. Some are more protective of their work than others, but all are just funneling an idea or situation into something that makes sense for them, and if they're lucky, it might help someone else understand themselves a little bit better. All too often, we walk around frustrated and don't know why - then we hear a song or see an image that calms us a little bit because out there somewhere, someone else has felt the same way. God put us all here, billions of unique individuals, for each other, and finding common ground can be thing that makes our own battles a little easier to fight each day.
Artists specialize in attempting to express these crazy emotion things through their various mediums, which sucks for them, cause the general population doesn't feel as deeply as they do so their work goes unappreciated. Music is probably the most accessible of all artistic mediums, because most folks need words to tell them what a feeling is about. Most (and I'm really not trying to sound condescending) don't wander in to a museum and look at sculptures or paintings and seek to identify with shapes and colors or whatevah. Songwriters, if they want to make money at it, have to generalize their lyrics so as many people as possible can relate. This felt like prostitution at first to me, but then it occurred to me that I'm just summing up in a verse what people are feeling but don't know how to express. My friend Allison said there's some song I've written (it's sad I can't even remember which one!) that expresses emotion that oozes out of her bones but would never be able to put into words. That made me feel good. I guess it depends for me, whether I'm writing the song for my own out-letting of emotional junk or if I'm just telling a story. When I wrote "Tear After Tear", I imagined a young, naive girl who'd had her heart broken by a dashing dirtbag and made it as melodramatic and sad as possible, because that's what a good country song is. I also imagined Dolly Parton's voice the whole time cause she's beyond fabulous.
Did any of this make sense? It was kind of all over the place. Art is pretty stinking cool. I was intimidated by other mediums before (like photography, painting, sculpture, ballet, etc), because like many people, I was sure I didn't get it, that my reaction would be wrong. But any artist will tell you that all they want is a reaction, no matter what kind. It may not be what they intended, but every piece of art is meant to be thought-provoking or emotionally charged. It means what you want it to. When the artist finishes a piece and puts it out there, it belongs to everyone. Some are more protective of their work than others, but all are just funneling an idea or situation into something that makes sense for them, and if they're lucky, it might help someone else understand themselves a little bit better. All too often, we walk around frustrated and don't know why - then we hear a song or see an image that calms us a little bit because out there somewhere, someone else has felt the same way. God put us all here, billions of unique individuals, for each other, and finding common ground can be thing that makes our own battles a little easier to fight each day.
Friday, 20 July 2007
There's Nothing Like...
- going home
- a hug from a teammate when the whistle blows and you know you all won because of each other
- a look across a crowded room
- missing a tackle and hearing the crowd go "awwww!"
- or, making an impossible catch and hearing the crowd go "whooaaaaa!"
- finishing a song, especially one that'd been floating around your heard for a couple years
- taking your shoes and socks off after a loooonnnng day working outside
- the first plunge into a cold swimming pool without dipping your toe in first
- the moment someone gets baptized and comes up out of the water
- running the Bleep Test (against someone better than you so you just can't let yourself stop)
- the Florida Gator football team charging into the Swamp from the tunnel (AAAHHHHH!)
- a tearful talk with Momma
- holding hands with the boy you like (it's my thing)
- executing a run perfectly in a piano piece - you could be alone, it doesn't matter
- hearing my Daddy and Aunt Ann talk about food, the excitement in their voices
- multiple-hour roadtrips alone (again, my thing)
- the crack of a baseball bat
- Louis Armstrong's voice
- clean sheets, a big dump and a rock-hard alibi (Kids In the Hall reference...)
- the shudder that comes from thinking back on something he did
- opening the mailbox to find a REAL letter from someone who cared enough to WRITE it, STAMP it, and SEND it
- smelling rain before it comes, watching it fall, and hearing it on your roof and windows
- being chased through pine trees in pitch-black darkness by a herd of angry cows
- the smell of dew on cowcrap in the morning (yes, the very same cows, and yes, I mean I like it)
- when someone calls and says they put your CD in and it put them in a good mood
- getting wrapped in a warm blanket in a cold hospital room
- realizing how alive you are when you reflect on the fact that you're playing rugby while you are in fact playing it
- blocking a kick with your FACE and scoring a try :)
- the happy squeals of children's laughter
- when your dad says he's proud of you
- riding a bike down a steep hill and not braking at all (weeeeee)
- when the boy I'm hitting on laughs at my stupid jokes
- crossing stuff off the list
- the tug of a fish's bite on your line
- spontaneously sitting down at a piano and entertaining a group of unsuspecting bystanders for the sport of it
- feeling satiated
- a hug from a teammate when the whistle blows and you know you all won because of each other
- a look across a crowded room
- missing a tackle and hearing the crowd go "awwww!"
- or, making an impossible catch and hearing the crowd go "whooaaaaa!"
- finishing a song, especially one that'd been floating around your heard for a couple years
- taking your shoes and socks off after a loooonnnng day working outside
- the first plunge into a cold swimming pool without dipping your toe in first
- the moment someone gets baptized and comes up out of the water
- running the Bleep Test (against someone better than you so you just can't let yourself stop)
- the Florida Gator football team charging into the Swamp from the tunnel (AAAHHHHH!)
- a tearful talk with Momma
- holding hands with the boy you like (it's my thing)
- executing a run perfectly in a piano piece - you could be alone, it doesn't matter
- hearing my Daddy and Aunt Ann talk about food, the excitement in their voices
- multiple-hour roadtrips alone (again, my thing)
- the crack of a baseball bat
- Louis Armstrong's voice
- clean sheets, a big dump and a rock-hard alibi (Kids In the Hall reference...)
- the shudder that comes from thinking back on something he did
- opening the mailbox to find a REAL letter from someone who cared enough to WRITE it, STAMP it, and SEND it
- smelling rain before it comes, watching it fall, and hearing it on your roof and windows
- being chased through pine trees in pitch-black darkness by a herd of angry cows
- the smell of dew on cowcrap in the morning (yes, the very same cows, and yes, I mean I like it)
- when someone calls and says they put your CD in and it put them in a good mood
- getting wrapped in a warm blanket in a cold hospital room
- realizing how alive you are when you reflect on the fact that you're playing rugby while you are in fact playing it
- blocking a kick with your FACE and scoring a try :)
- the happy squeals of children's laughter
- when your dad says he's proud of you
- riding a bike down a steep hill and not braking at all (weeeeee)
- when the boy I'm hitting on laughs at my stupid jokes
- crossing stuff off the list
- the tug of a fish's bite on your line
- spontaneously sitting down at a piano and entertaining a group of unsuspecting bystanders for the sport of it
- feeling satiated
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Bayou La Batre, Alabama
Am living in a little camper Dustin (our intern preacher for the summer who is from West Monroe, La.) named "Lil' Mimi" that has a "3" sticker with angel wings on the front window. If you don't know what that means go back to Redneck School. I am quite proud of it. :) Since I'm the only female permanent worker (apart from Miss Daphne, the matriarch of Bayou Recovery Project), I get one all to myself! My first day saw me riding around from jobsite to jobsite delivering various tools or supplies with another volunteer here who lives at "Bayou Estates" (our fancy name for the group of trailors set up by the Community Center), John. He's from Dublin, Ga. but knows how to properly pronounce "Na'orrlins". He's Baptist (i.e. alcoholic) - he says where there's four Baptists there's a fifth. So he got excited when I said I wanted to get some gigs around the area, so we drove down to Dauphin Island and over to Rodney's here on the Bayou, which is mainly a seafood house (STINKY) but has a lil honky-tonk. Mr. Rodney was all about it, wants to have a big boil and me the featured entertainment. I went and got my guitar and played for the guys in there - made $3!!! :P Miss Daphne got there and was a little miffed at us for being at a jook, knowing John was upstairs drinking with the locals and here I am this nice Christian girl playing music for heathens. Such is life for a musician. She said if I got mixed up with any of the boys who hang out there she'd send me home to my momma, haha. AS IF. Frankly if I meet another nice (or otherwise) boy (with long legs, plays rugby and/or wears glasses) it'll be waaaaay too soon, UGH. After that we went back down to the beach at Dauphin Island and played and kicked the rugby ball (Ugh, Jr.!) and swam and all that. It was good for my soul cause I got some bad news this afternoon, which is just one of those things where God knows better than you but you want what you want so you have to pout a little bit but then just put it in perspective and understand that God wouldn't take something away from you if He didn't plan on giving you something way better. I truly believe that.
The next six weeks will be interesting. It's definitely time for me to re-focus on my faith. I've allowed myself to become distracted during the first part of the summer. It's scary how quickly and easily that can happen. I once heard in a Sunday School class (taught by Don Keefer in Raleigh, N.C. actually) that your faith is like a big rock you have to continually push up the hill and as soon as you stop pushing, it'll roll back on you and you'll regress. It's my prayer that I can do something constructive with my time down here and grow spiritually. There's definitely A LOT of work to be done, so it's time to focus and finish.
The next six weeks will be interesting. It's definitely time for me to re-focus on my faith. I've allowed myself to become distracted during the first part of the summer. It's scary how quickly and easily that can happen. I once heard in a Sunday School class (taught by Don Keefer in Raleigh, N.C. actually) that your faith is like a big rock you have to continually push up the hill and as soon as you stop pushing, it'll roll back on you and you'll regress. It's my prayer that I can do something constructive with my time down here and grow spiritually. There's definitely A LOT of work to be done, so it's time to focus and finish.
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
In a Word, What Happened?
Uh, was it "romance"?
Would I recognize it if it fell out of the sky and brushed my hair away from my face? Is it when the water rushes over your feet as you balance against each other while sinking in wet sand? Is it "romantic" when he unexpectedly takes your hand at precisely the correct moment? Would I know if it pushed me over when I wasn't looking? What do you call it when you lock eyes across the room and smile? When it's no big deal? Not some earth-shattering, cosmic event, but what was it exactly? Is it "romantic" to try to live one day as a complete life together (i.e. For Whom the Bell Tolls) with a clean-cut end and beginning? I don't know what it was. It was neat, I know that much. What's the word when you both have the same thing in mind? (SportsCenter!) Is it "romantic" to recognize that you like someone when he's kissing you? And maybe genuine when you haven't decided to try not to care in the face of uncertainty? Uh...do I care? Uh huh. What is "romance" anyway? How does it happen between two innocent people? Does recognition of it spawn the feeling of fondness, or does the fondness spawn romance's recognition? Is it the big picture or all the little things? Is the "romance" magnified by the fleeting nature of each passing moment? What makes it possible? Do you recognize it when you're in it, or does that break the spell? Is "romance" a concept that cannot be processed until after the moment has passed? Is it simply being overwhelmed by an experience with another like-minded individual? Can it only occur between two people who feel exactly the same amount for each other? What the heck is it anyway? Can it be intellectualized the way I'm trying to do right now, or is "romance" only an intangible, irrational feeling - only maybe tangible in the way one tugs at a shirt or hair or pulls you toward him or touches your face? I don't know. What happened? Can it only happen in the absence of fear? Maybe I'm past thinking I'm immune, past the fear, so it could be entirely possible it happened to me. If Webster defines it as derivatives of a dead language or my favorite period of piano music, I understand those, can wrap my mind around them. But what is this essence of feeling/experience - was it one moment or a series of moments? Is it romantic to say exactly what you think or feel at that precise moment to the object of your focus? Is "romantic" what you call it?
romance
c.1300, "story of a hero's adventures," also (c.1330), "vernacular language of France" (as opposed to Latin), from O.Fr. romanz "verse narrative," originally an adverb, "in the vernacular language," from V.L. *romanice scribere "to write in a Romance language" (one developed from Latin instead of Frankish), from L. Romanicus "of or in the Roman style," from Romanus "Roman" (see Roman). The connecting notion is that medieval vernacular tales were usually about chivalric adventure. Literary sense extended by 1667 to "a love story." Extended 1612 to other modern languages derived from Latin (Spanish, Italian, etc.). Meaning "adventurous quality" first recorded 1801; that of "love affair, idealistic quality" is from 1916. The verb meaning "court as a lover" is from 1942.
ro·mance1 /n., adj. roʊˈmæns, ˈroʊmæns; v. roʊˈmæns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[n., adj. roh-mans, roh-mans; v. roh-mans] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -manced, -manc·ing, adjective
–noun 1. a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.
2. the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.
3. a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.
4. a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
5. a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.
6. romantic character or quality.
7. a romantic affair or experience; a love affair.
8. (initial capital letter) Also, Romanic. Also called Romance languages. the group of Italic Indo-European languages descended since a.d. 800 from Latin, as French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Provençal, Catalan, Rhaeto-Romanic, Sardinian, and Ladino. Abbreviation: Rom.
–verb (used without object) 9. to invent or relate romances; indulge in fanciful or extravagant stories or daydreams.
10. to think or talk romantically.
–verb (used with object) 11. Informal. a. to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness: He's currently romancing a very attractive widow.
b. to court the favor of or make overtures to; play up to: They need to romance the local business community if they expect to do business here.
romance2 [rəˈmans] noun
a story about such a relationship etc, especially one in which the people, events etc are more exciting etc than in normal life; Music A lyrical, tender, usually sentimental song or short instrumental piece; A love affair. 1. Music. a short, simple melody, vocal or instrumental, of tender character.
2. Spanish Literature. a short epic poem, esp. a historical ballad.
Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people;
A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
an exciting and mysterious quality (noun); talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions (verb)
The term romance has also been used for stories of mysterious adventures, not necessarily of heroes. Like the heroic kind of romance, however, these adventure romances usually are set in distant places. William Shakespeare's play The Tempest is this kind of romance.
Thesaurus
Definition: love affair
Synonyms: affair, amour, attachment, carrying on, courtship, enchantment, fairy tale, fascination, fling, flirtation, goings-on, hanky-panky, intrigue, liaison, love, love story, passion, playing around, relationship, thing together
Definition: love book
Synonyms: ballad, fairy tale, fantasy, fiction, idealization, idyll, legend, love story, lyric, melodrama, novel, story, tale, tear-jerker*
Definition: adventure
Synonyms: charm, color, excitement, exoticness, fairy tale, fancy, fantasy, fascination, glamour, hazard, idealization, idyll, mystery, nostalgia, risk, sentiment, venture
Definition: relationship
Synonyms: affaire, amour, carrying on*, extracurricular activity*, fling, goings-on*, hanky-panky*, intimacy, intrigue, liaison, love, matinee, nooner, playing around*, relationship, rendezvous, romance, thing together*, two-timing*
Definition: teasing
Synonyms: amour, coquetry, courting, cruising, dalliance, flirting, intrique, love, love affair, philandering, pickup*, romance, romancing, tease, teasing, toying*, trifling*
Synonyms: allure, allurement, animal magnetism, appeal, attraction, bewitchment, charisma, charm, color, enchantment, fascination, interest, magnetism, prestige, ravishment, razzle-dazzle*, romance, star quality, style, witchery
Definition: monkey business
Synonyms: amour, dalliance, dirty pool, fling, flirtation, fooling around, funny business*, hankie-pankie, hokey-pokey, liaison, love affair, mischief, romance, sexual activity, trickery
Definition: affair
Synonyms: amour, attachment, case, flirtation, infatuation, interlude, intimacy, liaison, romance
I still don't get it.
I'm starting to understand that the further I get away from it, the more removed I am from it, the more I attempt to cling to threads of shreds of memories of it, the more it sucks. I wish I could see him again.
From For Whom The Bell Tolls:
"But in the meantime all the life you have or ever will have is today, tonight, tomorrow, today, tonight, tomorrow over and over again (I hope), he thought and so you had better take what time there is and be very thankful for it..."
"...wanted to make the point that you must make your whole life in two nights that are given to you; that living as we do now you must concentrate all of that which you should always have into the short time that you have it."
"Dying was nothing and he had no picture of it nor fear of it in his mind. But living was a field of grain blowing in the wind on the side of a hill. Living was a hawk in the sky. Living was an earthen jar of water in the dust of the threshing with the grain flailed out and the chaff blowing. Living was a horse between your legs and a carbine under one leg and a hill and a valley and a stream with trees along it and the far side of the valley and the hills beyond."
"If this was how it was then this was how it was. But there was no law that made him say he liked it. I did not know that I could ever feel what I have felt, he thought. Nor that this could happen to me. I would like to have it my whole life. You will, the other part of him said. You will. You have it now and that is all your life is; now. There is nothing else than now. There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow. How old must you be before you know that? There is only now, and if now is only two days, then two days is your life and everything in it will be in proportion. This is how you live a life in two days. And if you stop complaining and asking for what you will never get, you will have a good life. A good life is not measured by any Biblical span."
Would I recognize it if it fell out of the sky and brushed my hair away from my face? Is it when the water rushes over your feet as you balance against each other while sinking in wet sand? Is it "romantic" when he unexpectedly takes your hand at precisely the correct moment? Would I know if it pushed me over when I wasn't looking? What do you call it when you lock eyes across the room and smile? When it's no big deal? Not some earth-shattering, cosmic event, but what was it exactly? Is it "romantic" to try to live one day as a complete life together (i.e. For Whom the Bell Tolls) with a clean-cut end and beginning? I don't know what it was. It was neat, I know that much. What's the word when you both have the same thing in mind? (SportsCenter!) Is it "romantic" to recognize that you like someone when he's kissing you? And maybe genuine when you haven't decided to try not to care in the face of uncertainty? Uh...do I care? Uh huh. What is "romance" anyway? How does it happen between two innocent people? Does recognition of it spawn the feeling of fondness, or does the fondness spawn romance's recognition? Is it the big picture or all the little things? Is the "romance" magnified by the fleeting nature of each passing moment? What makes it possible? Do you recognize it when you're in it, or does that break the spell? Is "romance" a concept that cannot be processed until after the moment has passed? Is it simply being overwhelmed by an experience with another like-minded individual? Can it only occur between two people who feel exactly the same amount for each other? What the heck is it anyway? Can it be intellectualized the way I'm trying to do right now, or is "romance" only an intangible, irrational feeling - only maybe tangible in the way one tugs at a shirt or hair or pulls you toward him or touches your face? I don't know. What happened? Can it only happen in the absence of fear? Maybe I'm past thinking I'm immune, past the fear, so it could be entirely possible it happened to me. If Webster defines it as derivatives of a dead language or my favorite period of piano music, I understand those, can wrap my mind around them. But what is this essence of feeling/experience - was it one moment or a series of moments? Is it romantic to say exactly what you think or feel at that precise moment to the object of your focus? Is "romantic" what you call it?
romance
c.1300, "story of a hero's adventures," also (c.1330), "vernacular language of France" (as opposed to Latin), from O.Fr. romanz "verse narrative," originally an adverb, "in the vernacular language," from V.L. *romanice scribere "to write in a Romance language" (one developed from Latin instead of Frankish), from L. Romanicus "of or in the Roman style," from Romanus "Roman" (see Roman). The connecting notion is that medieval vernacular tales were usually about chivalric adventure. Literary sense extended by 1667 to "a love story." Extended 1612 to other modern languages derived from Latin (Spanish, Italian, etc.). Meaning "adventurous quality" first recorded 1801; that of "love affair, idealistic quality" is from 1916. The verb meaning "court as a lover" is from 1942.
ro·mance1 /n., adj. roʊˈmæns, ˈroʊmæns; v. roʊˈmæns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[n., adj. roh-mans, roh-mans; v. roh-mans] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -manced, -manc·ing, adjective
–noun 1. a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.
2. the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.
3. a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.
4. a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
5. a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.
6. romantic character or quality.
7. a romantic affair or experience; a love affair.
8. (initial capital letter) Also, Romanic. Also called Romance languages. the group of Italic Indo-European languages descended since a.d. 800 from Latin, as French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Provençal, Catalan, Rhaeto-Romanic, Sardinian, and Ladino. Abbreviation: Rom.
–verb (used without object) 9. to invent or relate romances; indulge in fanciful or extravagant stories or daydreams.
10. to think or talk romantically.
–verb (used with object) 11. Informal. a. to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness: He's currently romancing a very attractive widow.
b. to court the favor of or make overtures to; play up to: They need to romance the local business community if they expect to do business here.
romance2 [rəˈmans] noun
a story about such a relationship etc, especially one in which the people, events etc are more exciting etc than in normal life; Music A lyrical, tender, usually sentimental song or short instrumental piece; A love affair. 1. Music. a short, simple melody, vocal or instrumental, of tender character.
2. Spanish Literature. a short epic poem, esp. a historical ballad.
Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people;
A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
an exciting and mysterious quality (noun); talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions (verb)
The term romance has also been used for stories of mysterious adventures, not necessarily of heroes. Like the heroic kind of romance, however, these adventure romances usually are set in distant places. William Shakespeare's play The Tempest is this kind of romance.
Thesaurus
Definition: love affair
Synonyms: affair, amour, attachment, carrying on, courtship, enchantment, fairy tale, fascination, fling, flirtation, goings-on, hanky-panky, intrigue, liaison, love, love story, passion, playing around, relationship, thing together
Definition: love book
Synonyms: ballad, fairy tale, fantasy, fiction, idealization, idyll, legend, love story, lyric, melodrama, novel, story, tale, tear-jerker*
Definition: adventure
Synonyms: charm, color, excitement, exoticness, fairy tale, fancy, fantasy, fascination, glamour, hazard, idealization, idyll, mystery, nostalgia, risk, sentiment, venture
Definition: relationship
Synonyms: affaire, amour, carrying on*, extracurricular activity*, fling, goings-on*, hanky-panky*, intimacy, intrigue, liaison, love, matinee, nooner, playing around*, relationship, rendezvous, romance, thing together*, two-timing*
Definition: teasing
Synonyms: amour, coquetry, courting, cruising, dalliance, flirting, intrique, love, love affair, philandering, pickup*, romance, romancing, tease, teasing, toying*, trifling*
Synonyms: allure, allurement, animal magnetism, appeal, attraction, bewitchment, charisma, charm, color, enchantment, fascination, interest, magnetism, prestige, ravishment, razzle-dazzle*, romance, star quality, style, witchery
Definition: monkey business
Synonyms: amour, dalliance, dirty pool, fling, flirtation, fooling around, funny business*, hankie-pankie, hokey-pokey, liaison, love affair, mischief, romance, sexual activity, trickery
Definition: affair
Synonyms: amour, attachment, case, flirtation, infatuation, interlude, intimacy, liaison, romance
I still don't get it.
I'm starting to understand that the further I get away from it, the more removed I am from it, the more I attempt to cling to threads of shreds of memories of it, the more it sucks. I wish I could see him again.
From For Whom The Bell Tolls:
"But in the meantime all the life you have or ever will have is today, tonight, tomorrow, today, tonight, tomorrow over and over again (I hope), he thought and so you had better take what time there is and be very thankful for it..."
"...wanted to make the point that you must make your whole life in two nights that are given to you; that living as we do now you must concentrate all of that which you should always have into the short time that you have it."
"Dying was nothing and he had no picture of it nor fear of it in his mind. But living was a field of grain blowing in the wind on the side of a hill. Living was a hawk in the sky. Living was an earthen jar of water in the dust of the threshing with the grain flailed out and the chaff blowing. Living was a horse between your legs and a carbine under one leg and a hill and a valley and a stream with trees along it and the far side of the valley and the hills beyond."
"If this was how it was then this was how it was. But there was no law that made him say he liked it. I did not know that I could ever feel what I have felt, he thought. Nor that this could happen to me. I would like to have it my whole life. You will, the other part of him said. You will. You have it now and that is all your life is; now. There is nothing else than now. There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow. How old must you be before you know that? There is only now, and if now is only two days, then two days is your life and everything in it will be in proportion. This is how you live a life in two days. And if you stop complaining and asking for what you will never get, you will have a good life. A good life is not measured by any Biblical span."
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